What's Going to Happen next
Tuesday, December 4, 2018
Wednesday, June 10, 2015
telling the difference between love and lost
When dating, most people are looking for some chemistry or spark between them and their date – they want there to be a physical and chemical reaction that tells them that this person is a good match for them. Someone may look perfect on paper but if there is no chemistry between them then it is unlikely that a relationship will develop. But is it love or lust that you are feeling when you get that chemical reaction? Many of the feelings of are the same and it can be confusing here we look at some of the subtle differences.
Body language
There are a lot of different physiological factors which determine whether we will find someone attractive – pheromones – the colourless, odourless chemical signals given off by the body; their mannerisms and whether they are in harmony with ours; the dilation of their pupils or the plumpness of their lips etc. All of these things will play a part in whether we feel physically drawn to someone. If they are then combined with sparkling conversation, laughter, and shared interests you have an exciting, even intoxicating, combination.
When we do meet someone who we click with at this level is can be dramatic. Even the thought of seeing them again can make you weak at the knees and cause your heart rate to speed up. It would be easy to interpret these feelings as love, and they could certainly develop into that, but the physical sensations you experience are also the signs of pure animal lust.
Lust is necessary
Lust has an important role to play in developing long-term, intimate relationships. We need the physiological signs in order to move us into a sexual relationship with someone – it is nature’s way of ensuring the continuation of the species. While lust is necessary it can become a problem if it is all that you feel towards someone rather than part of the connection you have with them.
Lust has been shown to create an altered state of consciousness which affects the brain in much the same way as some drugs. MRI scans have shown that the same areas of the brain light up when a person is experiencing the lust of physical attraction as when someone takes cocaine. Like with drugs we can become addicted to these chemical surges because they feel so good.
Love can grow
Lust often lays the foundation for a relationship to develop – it is the springboard from which love can grow. Love needs to be present in order for a meaningful relationship to develop and last rather that a whirlwind romance that burns out quickly. The differences are subtle but here are some of the contrasts:
- Love deepens as you get to know someone, you want to learn all you can about them and that takes time – time you are happy to give.
- Lust can be almost instant (often mistaken for love at first sight) and is about physical attraction and idealisation. When you lust after someone you usually cannot see them clearly and even someone quite plain can seem very attractive.
- Love makes you want to have conversations – to talk all night and find out everything you can about each other.
- Lust makes you want to have sex – it is as simple as that – it is there so we will procreate.
- Love will wait and wants to spend time developing the connection between you before moving onto developing a sexual relationship
- Lust isn’t happy, or able, to wait – it is much more compulsive, a primitive drive to get physical which will make you override other rational responses and you may find yourself acting completely out of character.
- Love is expansive and wants to bring the other person in to share your life – to give generously of all you have and make them the centre of your world.
- Lust is exclusive, you want that person to yourself and you may find yourself wanting to keep your relationship secret from your family and friends.
- Love is confined to specific individuals and can exist even if the person never loves you back.
- Lust can move from person to person very quickly and is based on what an individual finds erotic or sexually attractive rather than individual people.
Neither love nor lust exist exclusively in a healthy, intimate relationship – if a relationship has love, but no lust, it will be more like a friendship or a brother/sister relationship. If there is lust but no love it is likely to be short lived and may be exploitative if one partner thinks it is more meaningful than it actually is.
Body language
There are a lot of different physiological factors which determine whether we will find someone attractive – pheromones – the colourless, odourless chemical signals given off by the body; their mannerisms and whether they are in harmony with ours; the dilation of their pupils or the plumpness of their lips etc. All of these things will play a part in whether we feel physically drawn to someone. If they are then combined with sparkling conversation, laughter, and shared interests you have an exciting, even intoxicating, combination.
When we do meet someone who we click with at this level is can be dramatic. Even the thought of seeing them again can make you weak at the knees and cause your heart rate to speed up. It would be easy to interpret these feelings as love, and they could certainly develop into that, but the physical sensations you experience are also the signs of pure animal lust.
Lust is necessary
Lust has an important role to play in developing long-term, intimate relationships. We need the physiological signs in order to move us into a sexual relationship with someone – it is nature’s way of ensuring the continuation of the species. While lust is necessary it can become a problem if it is all that you feel towards someone rather than part of the connection you have with them.
Lust has been shown to create an altered state of consciousness which affects the brain in much the same way as some drugs. MRI scans have shown that the same areas of the brain light up when a person is experiencing the lust of physical attraction as when someone takes cocaine. Like with drugs we can become addicted to these chemical surges because they feel so good.
Love can grow
Lust often lays the foundation for a relationship to develop – it is the springboard from which love can grow. Love needs to be present in order for a meaningful relationship to develop and last rather that a whirlwind romance that burns out quickly. The differences are subtle but here are some of the contrasts:
- Love deepens as you get to know someone, you want to learn all you can about them and that takes time – time you are happy to give.
- Lust can be almost instant (often mistaken for love at first sight) and is about physical attraction and idealisation. When you lust after someone you usually cannot see them clearly and even someone quite plain can seem very attractive.
- Love makes you want to have conversations – to talk all night and find out everything you can about each other.
- Lust makes you want to have sex – it is as simple as that – it is there so we will procreate.
- Love will wait and wants to spend time developing the connection between you before moving onto developing a sexual relationship
- Lust isn’t happy, or able, to wait – it is much more compulsive, a primitive drive to get physical which will make you override other rational responses and you may find yourself acting completely out of character.
- Love is expansive and wants to bring the other person in to share your life – to give generously of all you have and make them the centre of your world.
- Lust is exclusive, you want that person to yourself and you may find yourself wanting to keep your relationship secret from your family and friends.
- Love is confined to specific individuals and can exist even if the person never loves you back.
- Lust can move from person to person very quickly and is based on what an individual finds erotic or sexually attractive rather than individual people.
Neither love nor lust exist exclusively in a healthy, intimate relationship – if a relationship has love, but no lust, it will be more like a friendship or a brother/sister relationship. If there is lust but no love it is likely to be short lived and may be exploitative if one partner thinks it is more meaningful than it actually is.
Monday, May 5, 2014
COPIED.........
????? PLEASE READ!!! THE MISSING 234 CHIBOK GIRLSNOW 276.I have been
pondering over this kidnapsituation and something doesn't add up hence
thesequestions. The students are said to be SSS3 studentswriting physics
examination. QUESTIONS:1. Why aretheir names not yet published by the
school, stategovernment and WAEC?2. Why are their pictures notover the
news media?3. How come all 235
studentsare in SSS3 and all came to write physicsexamination when the
total number of students inthe whole school is around 1200?4. It was
announcedthat the Borno states government gave N1m each toparents of the
missing girls. If that’s true:QUESTION:4(a).Why was these money given
to these parents?Was it as compensation for the kidnap orcompensation
for their deaths?5. On Tuesday 29thApril 2014, the Senator from Borno
said in theSenate that the girls had been taken out of thecountry to
Chad, Niger and Cameroon and marriedoff to their adoptors. QUESTIONS:
How come thesesenators know so much? Who are their informants?6. Why is
the wife of the state governor organizingwomen to pressure FG in Abuja
after the NationalSecurity Council has ordered the armed forces to
useall state resources to secure the release of theadopted Girls? 7. I
just wonder how 200+ girls canbe kidnapped at once. How come we haven't
seenthose girls who they said have escaped on TV? 8. Ifthe SS3 students
are not up to 120 in a school of1200, how is it possible 234 girls are
missing? 9.Where are the school authorities? 10. Why haven'twe seen any
of them on TV. We are not fools. WHO ISFOOLING WHO? I need objective
answers please. Itstime all Nigerians start asking questions thandrawing
conclusions.as at yesterday the police just asked for their
pictures.are they expecting to see the 234 girls under a mango tree if
they don't 've their pix.how come their mother's didn't like display
their pictures during the demonstration .I'm just wondering if it's not a
distraction from something
what about the feelings
Sometimes you have to walk away from what you want to find what you deserve.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
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